White / Head in the Clouds Privilege

"I'm not zoning out," I said to myself as I came to.

I realized my moments of "zoning out" are not necessarily moments in which I am thinking of nothing, but it can be where my ideas flourish, my intentions manifest, my passions reveal themselves, my plans solidify, my visions become concrete. I recently took a "'What Creative Type' are you" personality quiz by Adobe, and one of the questions asked: Do you find yourself mostly In the Zone, or Zoned Out. There were two answer choices for each question.

I couldn't shake the feeling that I wanted, or valued more, one answer over the other throughout this quiz, as if there was a better answer, a better way, and that if I had not picked that one, for it just wasn't me, what did that say about me? I didn't want to be a dreamer. "Head in the clouds" seems judgmental to me, unrealistic. Or at least, that other people thought I had a problem with "touching ground," and I was defensive.

It reminds me of the sensitivity around "white privilege," and how people can hear a claim that, according to other people, they, white people, have no relationship to adversity, are unfamiliar with hardship or not getting their way, as if life has never said "No" to them, which is not the premise of white privilege. Maybe that's how I need to look at this dreamer mentality argument; that it doesn't mean I don't know what reality is, or that I have never faced it, or that I'm unrealistic (for I value pragmatism), but I can have the humility in admitting that I do need to take more action sometimes, stop thinking, do more, make that jump, take the risk and reach for those stars instead of merely thinking about it, remaining stagnant as I come to terms with the reality or rationalize why such action is not for me and "stay in my lane."

As I find a job, this is sometimes the thought trance in which I find myself as I sift through job postings. "This job is so me--I would love it--but would I really love it, and maybe I can't do it, so I'll wade in this inaction and find something more suitable." Sounds opposite of head in the clouds, right? But I find that being grounded can mean working towards something, getting out of my comfort zone, out of my clouds of safety. Just like with white privilege, being a dreamer doesn't mean one has no experience with the opposite.

To invite awareness to that which I am not, which can be included in that which I am, can be worthwhile in knowing myself, how I may get to where I am going, how I relate with others, and more. Being labelled is not necessarily a challenge to disprove it, or prove that I am good, fine, unflawed, worthy, or perfect, but it can, however, be an opportunity to see something from outside my own point of view, which can help me in my journey through life, for I believe knowing myself can establish confidence in who I can be.