Dream Journal: Be Careful What You Kiss For

Twice now we had made it down the sloped path--Neha and I passing a woman with a knowing glint in her eye each time--meeting Matthew at the bottom of winding stairs to continue our descent, when we casually passed Charlie Hunnam.

"Again??" I said. "Why is it that we pass him each time??"

Neha gives me a quick side eye that said, Okaay, apparently this is a big deal to you. Matthew just shrugs his shoulders.

"And why haven't you told me, twice, that he was there??" I wave my arms in front of me, imitating the scene, "What, do you just walk along, ten feet behind Charlie Hunnam, no big deal, the whole time?" That's a long stair! And I'm right here! HELLOOO. The two let me go on, mumbling like a lunatic, staring at the grassy path down the hill. "What would I say to him? Just a chance encounter, what would--how do I see him again," as if this was the Great Mystery of Life. "I wish we could go down once more!" It was the last day of school. "Just so we could run into him again!" The two are nodding as we walk. "Except, I'm gonna go down those stairs!"

The next day at the river bank, Matthew left his dad and his beer-drinking friends. I followed, mind elsewhere. When it was clear that Matthew was making an escape, I realized he is literally leaving his dad.

Oh! That's one way to do it, I thought as he scrambled down the eroded slope and laid down like a log in the stream, letting the current carry him. OOPS! So much for babysitting. I took off along the bank, running parallel to Matthews's floating body, craning my neck over the slope as I dodged tree roots and fetching dogs. The water started as the dirt ended. I splashed and waded through the river (also parallel to the stream below), marching as fast as I could. Passing the swimming families, who gasped as I waded deeper into the water, I heard my thoughts echoing through them, "Oh!" "He's going!" But he's not going without me, I thought as I took the plunge.

I was swimming fast to keep up until I realized I wasn't. The current was much faster. I passed all the swimmers no doubt. Disoriented by the whirling waters, I stifled a panic. I was alone, twisting and turning as if on tumble dry low, the surge pushing me forward with such force I could barely control my limbs. Plus, a rumbling current this strong only meant one thing: waterfall. Ohh boy, I thought to myself, this could either be really fun or really not.

I'll go with fun! Might as well. Right? I force my arms to span, curling my back as I shoot my legs into the ground perpendicular to the pummeling current. I bounce along, pushing off boulders, taking the waterfall one step at a time. Woohoo! I'm feeling adventurous, doing that underwater turney thing that swimmers do. I didn't know I could do that, but when you're in survival mode, you'll do just about anything. I'm determined to get to Matthew, who is hope-to-God-more-than-anything still alive on the other side.

Then I realize the actual waterfall hasn't happened yet. As I round the corner--the corner--I stop and find a comfortable edge to look over, hanging like Spiderman. It's a straight shoot into a marble-white, modern-style, sewer-like cave with white slabs poking out in intervals. For the fall down, I think to myself, conveniently spaced out to help me bump and bonk out of consciousness--and contortion--as I descend to my death. Sighing, I jump down, taking the shelves one at a time.

After about ten of them, I pause on a platform to take a shot in the dark. "MATTHEW!" I hear my echoes reverberate into stillness, the sound of gurgling water swallowing--No! I heard something! Ahead of me, maybe?

"MATTHEW!!!!" I crane my ear to tell the direction from where it came, heaving with panicked relief. It isn't over yet.

"KATE!" A distant voice rings out, above me this time. I jerk my head to look straight up, terrorized by the impending moment when he will shoot out of the foamy mouth of waterfall into the guzzling suction of gravity. The vertical drop comes in that moment. It looks like a gray silicone baby doll as I aim my position. I think of that episode of 100 Humans on Netflix, where a baby doll drops from the rafters to test a subject's "superhero reflexes." The figure goes past me by 5 inches, and I balk, unable to accept what just happened. No, no, no. That's not happening. I reverse and re-do the scene. I'm going to catch this baby. And I rehearse it until I catch it 5 times in a row, satisfied with my results.

I shake my head, returning to the present moment. Matthew is in my left arm, normal-sized again. We wade forward with the river. I don't remember this being the way down the stairs. I shake my head again. When do I get to meet Charlie Hunnam?

I'm talking with my friend Nadir as we dreamily chat of how wonderful life is. We're at the breakfast table, waiting on a certain someone.

"I'm so happy!!!" I fawn at my news. Happy, too, that my friend approves and is happy for me. "You just opened your arms!" He nods with an admiration that says of course. I'm wearing a purple corduroy blazer with green buttons, green bangles, and a yellow scarf. Starting a new life with this marriage (can't believe I'm calling it that!) feels like I'm embarking on a new journey that is completely mine. I feel fresh and ready.

I stand with an air of grace, excited for my breakfast date with friends slash alliance announcement before the new version of me begins. I knock on the bedroom door. Is he ready?? I smile back at Nadir, who's giving me a grin as cheesy as mine. I can't believe this fate! Today will be the first day of my commitment. As soon as I finish breakfast, I'll be eloping to my new future. Maybe I'll have children today!

The door opens, and... I hold my breath, expecting a blond man clad in a black jacket. Charlie is on the other side, my dream man. I sigh, seeing his long body undressed, mumbling with a sheepish smile as he scratches his head with a toned arm. I stifle a snicker at his bedhead.

My jaw drops as I laugh towards Nadir, "I can't believe this!" I'm disappointed, but too bubbled with excitement at the same time. "It's almost time!" I'm frantic. As if I've bubbled over, I stop and shout with a smile, squeezing my eyes closed, unable to contain myself until I see my friends. "I'M GETTING EMPLOYED! It's my first day at WOOOOORK!!" I jump in place like I've just won. I've been waiting for this day. My espousal... they accept my vows.